the quest

I don’t have children. It’s a choice. After all, plenty of homos adopt. I just don’t want them. They’re cute and all. When they don’t come home with me. So, of course being childless qualifies me as an expert on how others should raise theirs. Case in point…Xmas. I constantly marvel at the excess. Shopping carts loaded with crap made in China. Giving up turkey dinner to wait in line to get this year’s hot toy. Running yourself ragged to get that one thing the kid wants and is impossible to find, but will be available in large quantities on 26 December. No way, Jose!

This is where Jose walks up to me and says…Um, WAY. I may not have kids, but there are two little girls for whom my heart melts, and I will do anything to make them happy. So, when I found out the older niece wanted Clocky I figured…piece of cake. Clearly this is why Amazon exists. Especially when said niece is one of the most particular people I know (well, she is an 11 year old girl, after all) and had to have Clocky in Aqua or White only.

But then Amazon starts playing with me. A quick search of the site brought up the prize, clearly displayed in glorious Aqua. About to click “1 click purchase,” I noticed a message below the item explaining it is NOT selling and shipping from Amazon, so is not eligible for free shipping, nor can delivery by the holiday be guaranteed. I do a click calculation and realize the shipping is nearly 40% of the cost of the clock from this reseller. I jumped over and ask the google if this is something I can purchase in a local store, and I’m rewarded with a location just down the street. Sweet!

Cahoots is always an interesting place to go. Sitting in the trendy 9th and 9th shopping area, the folks you run into are an eclectic bunch. The main area of the store is a gift and card shop, selling a wide range of things from wine glasses to irreverent T-shirts to hand pressed stationary and journals. Then there’s a small section of the store where you can pick up a new cock ring or the latest vibrator, or you can browse the selection of sex slings and swings or giant dildos. Like I said…eclectic. I passed up the display of lube and bongs and noticed an Aqua Clocky sitting on a shelf. But, it was the display model, so it was banged up and dirty from people trying it out. I asked if they had another and the sales girl brought me the last new-in-the-box Clocky in the store. It was Almond. Shit! Foiled again.

Back to the google to see if there were any retailers in Reno since I was leaving on my trip there the next weekend. Bingo! The Peppermill Casino gift shop was listed, so I called and talked to a salesperson who said she thought there were several in their storage room. She promised to call me back, but when she didn’t I just decided to stop by while I was there. My first visit resulted in being told to call them around noon when the relief shift arrived to see if they could find one. It was 11:55 AM, so I was confused. But, I left and came back later that afternoon to learn they no longer had any Clockys. Things were starting to look bleak since Xmas was just 6 days away.

Big Sis called the next day to tell me Amazon was showing Aqua Clockys in stock and shipped from Amazon. I jumped online, placed an order and got an email saying Amazon didn’t have the product in stock, but would try to locate one for me. Ugh. Time to make some backup plans.

Then, a couple days before Xmas I got my Festivus miracle! Clocky was located. In Aqua. And, it was ready to ship to arrive on Xmas Eve! I quickly changed the shipping address to my parents’ house, and Amazon delivered on its promise.

All the work was worth it when the older niece opened Clocky on Xmas morning. Then I could sit back and judge Big Sis and BIL for all the excess they showered on the girls that morning. The universe was balanced once again.


6 responses to “the quest

  1. Don’t knock sitting in a WalFreakingMart on Thanksgiving day. It is an experience of a lifetime. (NEVER to be repeated holyshit.) Also, Christmas was so worth it. For about five minutes. I hate kids.

    • I’ll take your word for it. And, I’m over my disappointment at you not commenting on my “holiday dildos” tag. But next time I’ll cut you if you don’t. Merry fucking Xmas to you.

  2. I hate them, too. I mean, except my own two. Whom I indulge and (usually) adore. Except this week since they’re on break. I just wish they’d go back to school already.

    But I hate all their little friends and classmates and would just as soon bury the little petri dishes in the greenway behind my house as have to endure their presence here for a “play date.”

    But also: kickass uncle FTW! Whoohoo! You ROCK! =D

  3. I still can’t believe you went to as much trouble as you did… You’re totally whipped. You win the prize for best uncle/aunt.
    And I’m kind of glad Cahoots didn’t have one for you. There’s just something a little disturbing about buying your niece’s gift at a place that also sells dildos! 😛

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